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Deborah Tucker, M.A. Many people have misconceptions as to what psychotherapy really is.
Some think that only "crazy " people go to therapy, or that it
is only called for if a person has an incredibly severe problem. Some
think that going to therapy means that one is incapacitated by problems,
or that it is somehow "weak" to ask for help. Not so! I have
come to realize that, in more than fifteen years of working with people,
psychotherapy is both a down-to-earth problem-solving approach, and a
compelling, ever-deepening process of cleansing both the psyche and the
soul. At its most basic, therapy is a sensible response to the discovery that
some aspect of our lives is not working well. We certainly feel no shame
in seeking help from a physician if our physical ailments don't heal
themselves, or from a speech therapist if our child's lisp doesn't
improve. Although it is painful to admit that our marriage is not working
or we are stuck in a negative pattern with our child, it can be a
tremendous relief to learn that many others have successfully resolved the
same type of problem. Viewed in this light, therapy can be seen as a
practical way of seeking an unbiased viewpoint in order to change patterns
that aren't working well. At its most profound, therapy can be a deep search within ourselves, in
order to effect lasting personality change so that we are more equipped to
master life's challenges. Hurts from the past, previously unconscious, are
brought to light, examined and resolved. The process is similar to finding
hidden areas of infection that, while old and walled-off, are causing the
entire body to be ill. Only when the infection is brought to the surface
and released can healing begin. Even then, old patterns that were learned
in order to cope with the infection will have to change so that healthy
functioning is possible. Clients who journey this road are courageous and
extremely committed to developing lasting health, even though the healing
process may be uncomfortable. The question of what therapy is can also be answered by looking briefly
at what a therapist is. Once again, our definitions will range from the
simplest to the more complex. A very basic definition of a therapist is a
consultant -- one who gives advice or information about areas of emotional
functioning. Counseling done in the areas of improving parenting skills,
communication or adaptation to certain living situations are examples of
the consultant role a therapist can play. A therapist may also function as a facilitator, one who observes
interactions that aren't working well, and then encourages patterns that
are more adaptive. In couples or family therapy, the therapist may take a
very active role in pinpointing communication styles that are not working,
and helping the participants to learn different styles within the session,
so that they can practice these at home. In individual therapy, the
therapist may act as facilitator when the focus is on patterns of behavior
that are blocking the client from achieving important life goals, such as
developing relationships, career advancement, or improving self-esteem. When a client feels the need to work even more deeply, the therapist
functions as a very focused mirror. The client and therapist work together
as a specialized team, with the therapist noting and reflecting back to
the client the many reactions that occur as the client is working on
material that links together present conflicts and past events. It is at
this level that very profound realizations can be made, and thus permanent
improvements in functioning can take place. It is here, too, that many
clients struggle with important spiritual issues. Therapy is a complex process, and clients tend to work on more than one
level at a time. While I have talked about different "levels" of
therapy and different therapist "roles", they really tend to
merge and blend together to some degree. The common thread is an awareness
that therapists and clients function as a team, that the struggle may be
difficult at times, but the end result can be deeply rewarding. ### Wendy Wilkinson, M.S. Loss is a part of life. We wish it wasn't. It hurts to lose someone or
something we value. Even if the end of one season of our life means the
beginning of something new, fresh and exciting, we still hate to see the
old season go. Children also hate loss and change. Because they are less in control of
their lives, loss and change can sometimes seem very overwhelming and
frightening. Anything from the death of a goldfish won at a fair two days
earlier, to moving away from friends and family, can cause our children a
lot of sadness. Because we love our children we don't want them to feel sad. We want
them to have happy childhoods, filled with warm and loving experiences. I
believe this is one reason why we tend to shield our children from their
own sadness when they are grieving a loss. Often we find ourselves saying
such things to tour children as, "Sparky is in a much better place
now. He is very happy, so we should be happy too." Or we may want to
run out and replace that lost pet with another, to ease the pain. Or, on a
more serious note, when a beloved relative dies, or it there is a divorce
in the family, we may find ourselves putting on a "good face"
for the child, so they won't know how sad we are, thinking that they won't
be so sad if we don't talk about it too much. Unfortunately, loss and change are unavoidable in life. The important
thing is not to shield our children from these losses, but to help them
learn the skill necessary to deal with losses. This skill is called
"grief". In their workbook, Recovery from Loss, Dalue and Juanita Ryan state:
"Grief makes it possible for us to face the painful reality of our
losses, incorporate those losses into our understanding of life and
somehow move on. The purpose of grief is not to help us forget what we
have lost, but to help us grow in understanding, compassion and courage in
the midst of our losses.." Here are a few suggestions on helping your children learn how to
grieve. Most importantly, don't shield your children from the small losses that
occur in their lives. Letting them experience their grief over the smaller
losses will prepare them for the larger losses later on. ### Sue White, M.A. Summer is coming and with it the opportunity to take advantage of
longer days free of homework. Why not use this summer to build memories of
fun times together as a family? Below I offer 21 ideas to spark your
imagination and create some fun in your home. ###
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